No matter how much your partner knows you, they can’t read your mind.  Even if you have had sex with them several times, they don’t automatically know what pleases you and won’t necessarily pick up on “hints” given through sounds, body movements, smiles or any other non-verbal signal you try to send. 

If we try to send hints and they aren’t received and interpreted correctly, we can get frustrated which puts us into our heads too much and interferes with the pleasure and connection that can be experienced.  Your partner is not ignoring the hints you try to send… sexual intimacy is a give and receive dynamic, and while you are giving, you are receiving.  If you are being truly open to the feelings and are in the moment, your mind isn’t paying attention to hints.  And the same goes for your partner.

Set your partner and yourself up for success (aka sexual bliss) and ask them to do what you want them to do to you, what feels good, what you want to try.  Your partner wants to please you – pleasing you is selfish generosity – it intensifies the excitement for them as well as you.  It can also turn up the heat if you whisper in your partner’s ear what you like or want or ask them to concentrate on a certain area or even command them to do something. 

If you are vulnerable enough to have sex with your partner, then be vulnerable enough to express what you desire.  You will ultimately learn more about your partner.  You will become even more connected.  And it will free both of you in the moment to let go and experience delicious pleasure!

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