We’ve all experienced loss in our lives – from missing out on a big opportunity to the death of a family member. And we’ve all likely been hurt in relationships, many of us more than once. This loss is not easy to deal with, and we often try to mask the pain from ourselves and hide it from others. One of the toughest things about this loss is the doubt that often comes with it – of yourself, the other person and love.
I wasn’t a believer in soulmates until I met the person that became the love of my life. He was the ‘once in a lifetime person who changed everything’. We quickly learned that we were connected on every level, a connection both of us admitted we had not experienced before. With him I was able to explore new depths of intimacy. He made me want to be a better person – not for him but for me. I felt cherished and safe and valued in his presence. I could be vulnerable with him and gave him my authentic self. He not only saw and heard the lover/child/lady/wild, but he accepted and loved me for all of it. And I recently lost him.
My heart had been broken before, but not to this level. Because I have been able to love more fiercely, the pain is much more powerful. And I am struggling with doubt – how could I believe in the things that were said and experiences that were shared? I still see him regularly, which both helps and hinders my healing process. But I feel I have to continue believe in myself and my journey to help get me through this. I want to continue living authentically and that means being present with the emotions when I feel them and knowing the doubt will subside. I do my best to feel gratitude for him and the experience and what they have brought to my life.
Will I love again? I believe I will because I am a loving person and am willing to take risks and be vulnerable. Will it be as deep and intense? It is possible. Will it be an even stronger connection? I don’t know. But the beauty of life and love is that we don’t know what is beyond the present moment. We all have the power to heal if we are willing to go through the emotions. Perhaps you meet someone who changes everything more than once in your life. Or perhaps the person you lost really is your soulmate and by letting go they will come back to you. The universe will bring us whatever is meant to be. I do believe love is worth the risk of trying – and that hope will help mend a shattered heart!